After one of the most controversial Presidential campaigns in our nation’s history, America has finally chosen. The man we formerly referred to, as “The Donald” will now be called “Mr. President”. Everyone is talking about what President Trump needs to do during his first 100 days in office. I have no idea what ournew president will do first, but I can tell you what President Street would do.
HERE ARE JUST A FEW THINGS I WOULD DO IN MY FIRST 100 DAYS AS PRESIDENT:
Big hair would be back in style and my personal motto of “The bigger the hair, the smaller your butt looks” would be the new motto of women all around the country.
It would become socially acceptable to laugh out loud during awkward moments and at people who think too highly of themselves.
All business meetings would be held online and attended from home while wearing pajamas and drinking hot chocolate.
People under the age of 40 who do not know how to use “their”, “they’re”, and “there” correctly would have to repeat all grades beginning with kindergarten.
We would do away with the Electoral College for good. Only colleges in the SEC would be recognized.
Political campaign seasons would be limited to no more than thirty days. All money donated to any campaign would be forwarded to a charity that neither candidate created.
The whole country would switch to four-day workweeks and three-day weekends. Everyone will take a mandatory nap from 1 pm-2 pm each day. These naps will be called, “Daily Meetings”, so people from other countries won’t think we’re lazy.
Instead of debates, we’d have televised arm wrestling matches. We may never know how the candidates feel about the issues, but at least debates would be entertaining.
Every worker would be given three “I want to sleep in” days per calendar year with no repercussions.
All school lunches would be catered by local Grandmas.
There would be free internet everywhere – even in the remotest of areas. No passwords. No “looking for networks” — just a REAL worldwide web.
E.D. medicine commercials would be banned from the airwaves, because people that need that medicine are already buying it. No disturbing commercials necessary.
All crybabies and “safe space cadets” would be made to attend Marine boot camp.
Actual phone calls would be obsolete. If ideas can’t be conveyed via text message, they are not important.
Driving slowly in the passing lane would be punishable by a lengthy incarceration in a federal prison.
People who chew with their mouths open and/or full, would be banished to the wilderness until they learn table manners.
It would be legal to smother snorers – not to death, but just enough that they understand the seriousness of their snoring problem.
Slow walkers and people who stare at others would have to go through behavioral counseling and possibly shock therapy.
Wait times, wobbly tables, and higher math would cease to exist.
All grocery stores would be required to have every checkout lane open at all times, thus eliminating the self checkout lane; which would also eliminate the “unexpected item in bagging area” dilemma.
And that, my friends, is how you make America great!