Creating a Sense of Community Throughout The Appalachian Highlands

Dumb, Stupid, Crazy, and Ridiculous

I turned 29 for the sixteenth time last year and I’ve determined that the older I get, the less some things make sense to me. Everywhere I look there are completely absurd things that most people accept as normal, but in reality, they make absolutely no sense. Here are just a few that I have conveniently categorized for you as either dumb, stupid (i.e. worse than dumb), crazy, or ridiculous…

Did you know that there are seemingly sensible people who make their own yogurt, cottage cheese, and cream cheese? We are not living in the pioneer days, for crying out loud. These items are sold in the refrigerated section of every grocery store in the country. If you have the time to make your own yogurt, you have way too much time on your hands. Crazy.

Why do we start sentences with the phrase, “needless to say…”? If it’s really needless for us to say, then why do we say it? Dumb.

Why do we wear a “pair of pants” if there’s only one? Aren’t we really wearing one pant on our pair of legs? Crazy.

Why don’t men wear Spanx? We women aren’t the only ones who could use a little nip and tuck here and there, but you never see a man trying to squeeze his fat torso into a shockingly tight and unforgiving layer of spandex. I literally blacked my own eye one morning while trying to pull up my Spanx so that I could look less fluffy in the dress I was wearing. I’ve actually thrown out my back twice while putting those devil girdles on, so I want to know why men get a pass on having to wear restrictive “shape wear”. Ridiculous.

Why are they called chicken fingers? What about the word, “fingers” is appetizing? And if chickens did have fingers, would anyone really want to eat them? Stupid.

Why is it that men can walk around anywhere without a shirt on, but a woman would get arrested if she did the same? I’m not a “women’s lib” kind of gal, but it seems kind of sexist to me. Ridiculous.

Why do people drink alcohol? I don’t even drink milk, because it grosses me out, so it makes no sense to me that people would enjoy drinking the same liquid that is used to sterilize cuts and scrapes. Crazy.

Why do businesses advertise “free gift with purchase”? Aren’t all gifts free? Dumb.

Why do we call people “stupid idiots” (even if they truly are stupid idiots)? It’s kind of like calling someone an “intelligent Einstein.” Crazy.

Why do grooms rent tuxes for weddings, but brides have to spend thousands on a dress they will (hopefully) only wear once? Seems pretty stupid to me, but my wedding dress only cost $350, so I’m probably not an expert on these things. Stupid.

Why do we say, “The proof is in the pudding”? I’ve never seen proof of anything in pudding. Crazy.

Why are there “rules of thumb”? We all say it, but does anyone know why we say it? Dumb.

Why do we think knocking on wood is going to keep something bad from happening? Stupid.

Why do people spend the night in line to buy a new product as soon as it’s released? If you just like to say that you were the first to have the newest iPhone or tech gadget, then tell people you were the first. Do not waste your life and lose your dignity by sleeping outside a store to get an item you can walk in and buy the very next day. Stupid.

Why do people publicly post the routes they are currently running? Common sense tells me that ‘mapping your run’ is an open invitation for serial killers, rapists, and robbers to attack you. Obviously, I don’t run, but if I did, I don’t think I’d find it important to publicize my exact whereabouts. Stupid.

Clearly, this is not an exhaustive list, because a list of the dumb, stupid, crazy, and ridiculous would be infinite.

Love, Beth

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